(Cross-posted on my LiveJournal for maximum fatalities.)

There are a couple of things I need to address.

I tend not to care what kinds of shit people say in-game. If you want to pwn something, that’s your prerogative. If your new gloves are teh sex, I encourage you to enjoy them at every opportunity. If u r 75 nin lfp, moar power 2 u. Nerd-created words are meant to be used by the nerd community.

But dammit, don’t start misusing shit just for the sake of filling space.

This isn’t about asserting some kind of intellectual superiority over other players. I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer myself. There was a five-year period in my life where I forgot how to peel bananas. That said, it still hurts me to see players latch onto the latest phrase and start using it in every sentence. You know the Kids in the Hall skit where Bruce McCullogh is called to the boss’s office because he uses “ascertain” in every other sentence?

Dave: Come in.
Bruce: I came as soon as I ascertained you needed to see me, sir.
Dave: Sit down, Williams.
Bruce: What is it, sir?
Dave: There have been some complaints about your use of language on the docks.
Bruce: If this is about yesterday, sir, yes I did use a few blue words, a few cuss words, but as soon as I ascertained that the mix up had been corrected –
Dave: No, Williams, it’s not your swearing that I’m getting complaints about; it’s the fact that you use the word “ascertain” too much.
Bruce: Really?
Dave: Yes, apparently you use it an average of two to three– hundred times, daily.
Bruce: Well sir, I do, but so…other…few words…fit.

The first offender was “lol.”

I don’t use it. I don’t know why. But I know that many people do, and that’s cool. That was funny! lol. But man, stop tacking it onto every sentence.

A: want to start a party lol
B: ok lol
A: we need a tank lol
B my NIN friend can do it lol
A: lol lol

This is like watching two people in a blind date sitting across the table and laughing nervously at every word.

A: so what do you do lol
B: I’m a vet lol
A: animals are cool lol
B: lol I know
waiter: house dressing lol

Lately this has been replaced by tbh. I’m not sure if people even know what “to be honest” is supposed to mean, because I see it everywhere. I’m going to take a shot in the dark here and say that the phrase is useful when admitting something. To be honest, that bundt cake was pretty rubbish.

I had a geology professor in college who would tack “and whatnot” onto every sentence. I eventually started keeping a tally of his whatnot useage and creating graphs of the data in my notebook when I should have been taking notes on pumice. Seeing people throw “tbh” onto every sentence brings back familiar memories of pain.

A: sorry i’m late to dynamis tbh
B: man it’s 9:00
A: there was traffic tbh
B: that’s ok tbh

This one turns every conversation into a mid-breakup quarrel. Suddenly everything is a biting revelation! Ninjas have high evasion, to be honest! Hurry up, the ship is almost here to be honest!!

There also seems to be a lot of unnecessary confusion regarding idk and idc. “I don’t know” and “I don’t care” are not quite the same thing. Confusing the two only cements your boneheadedness. Example:

A: Excuse me, at what level can samurai use meditate?
B: idc
A: dick

or

A: Do you want a NIN or PLD tank?
B: idk
A: Well let me know when you decide
B: dude i just said idk!!
A: So take your time
B: wtf tbh

The latter misuse is more common, possibly from the glut of kool words in the English language that legitimize “k” in any situation where the sound is needed. I blame Mortal Kombat.

Abbreviations are great! I’d wager at least 40% of my FFXI logs are me going “arrgh wtf” or “brbp.” People just need to either lay off them sometimes or, y’know, learn what they mean before using them.

lol

Last night I finally won the earring I’ve been chasing after ever since getting sky access:

The Bushinomimi is perfect for samurai. The Great Katana skill bonus (like all weapon skill bonuses) equates to equal attack and accuracy boosts with that particular weapon. Add a little bit of STR, and you have the samurai’s three most prized stats in one neat little package.

And of course, with anything in FFXI, this fabulous prize had to be earned through a grueling trial.

You see, obtaining this (or any one of five other similarly powerful earrings) requires the completion of a quest called Divine Might. Divine Might takes the five bosses from a related Zilart mission (the Ark Angels) and throws them all into the same arena. The normal method for completing Zilart mission 14 is fighting them one by one, with a party of six. Divine Might, however, requires a group of 18 to beat the five of them in one go. And they’re bitches. They each have two jobs and two 2-hour abilities, a couple of them have pets, and they all look appropriately badass.

About six months ago I saw somebody shouting for ZM14, the Ark Angel fights, in Jeuno. Not knowing the full difference between it and Divine Might, I sent the shouter a /tell. “Does this mission give earrings like DM?” “Sure, I think so!”

Three hours later, I’m 3,000 experience points poorer with nothing to show for it but the ZM14 completion I would’ve gotten anyway from doing DM. Most of us were pissed. So last night somebody was shouting in Jeuno: “Divine Might [Do you need it?] 1/18″

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, right?

So for the next 45 minutes this guy and I somehow find another 16 people who need the quest. We make sure everybody has potions, meds, Reraise, etc., and lay out a strategy. We find somebody with an Ark Pentasphere, the item required to enter the fight. We traipse up to sky, activate the quest with a cutscene in The Shrine of Ru’Avitau, and head for the arena. We have only one Pentasphere. “Let’s make it count!” says the bearer. We review the strategy, buff, and enter. And we get destroyed.

Naturally, at this point spirits are low. We have a perfect setup and a sound strategy. What happened? After reviewing our performance, the problem was discovered to be one of hate management. Because each Ark Angel is a separate boss by itself, it’s necessary to keep them all occupied while the other members focus their attention on one. We entered, launched an initial wave of ancient magic at one of them, and tried frantically to finish it off while the other AAs made short work of us. Those who were supposed to provoke, didn’t.

“All that preparation, just to die,” one of us laments. And it’s true; this is something that happens all too often in FFXI. It’s the major weakness of any MMO campaign. If you have even one person who isn’t focused on the fight at hand, the whole group will suffer.

Disappointed, we are ejected from the fight and take a few minutes to raise and heal. This is what caught me off guard. Nobody was bitching about it. Everyone seemed to take a “well, these things happen, we’ll just be better prepared next time” attitude, which is rare in FFXI. Nobody complaining, moaning, disbanding their party and warping home in a flash of drama. Once everyone was healed, one of our black mages spoke up.

“Actually, I have another Pentasphere in my mog house if you guys are up for another go.”

And again I’m surprised. None of the 17 other people was pissed at this person for not bringing the item to the fight to begin with. Everyone was thanking her for giving them a second chance, and she warped back to fetch it. While she did so, our leader went through a list of what went wrong in the fight play-by-play, without naming names or singling anybody out. So we reviewed our strategy again and were ready by the time the BLM returned with the other Pentasphere. Buffed, entered, and took our revenge on the Ark Angels.

With kiters grabbing hate at the right time, we took out the Taru first, then the Mithra and her pet. On the leader’s command, everybody gathered to the stairs leading into the arena to take a deliberate group death from the remaining three AAs. Once they returned to the center and aggro was lost, we all Raised up and healed in preparation of wave two. Again we charged, hate being divided up, as we downed the Galka and his wyvern, then the Hume. Finally, the group descended on the Elvaan with a flurry of 2-hours, eventually wittling her down to nothing. Not only did the run go off without a hitch, but we also came to within ten seconds of beating the server record.

This fight proved to me that there are more mature people playing FFXI than I thought. Teamwork, perseverance, and patience are the basis for any victory, and not one of these people was lacking. Thanks to Kidboy, Rewt, Myste, and everybody else who gave an outstanding effort last night. You’ve made one samurai happy both in and out of game.

It takes more than a job to kill a samurai.

It’s taken me a few months to get settled here in Japan, getting used to my job and trying to recreate the den of dorkery Lauren and I enjoyed back in Ohio. I just bought a new laptop last month and have been trying to get back into FFXI like mad. I joined up with a new Dynamis LS (//pwnED//; a class act thus far) since my Dienamis pearl informed me that the LS was disbanded. Picked up a smokin’ hot Saotome Domaru last week as a result. The stats suck, but it’s a damn fine piece of town armor. Very shiny and distracting. Just need my kabuto for the full set! And eventually a Saotome Kabuto-1 to put the final nail in the coffin of the O.Hat. It’s a bit sad that I’ve been anticipating this piece of headgear for over a year now. But I like accuracy and style. There’s really no compromise here.

As it stands, Lauren will probably not be returning to FFXI. This is a shame, because she’s a great player and fun to adventure with. She got me a Peacock Amulet for fuck’s sake. And like a million Cures/Raises/Teleports. So while I’m sad to see her go (she is thoroughly awesome and I hope we can play again someday), this won’t stop me from bleeding her character dry at her request. She’s adamant about it this time!

People are politely up in my grill about getting into WoW. I really can’t. I have never been big into the whole western fantasy aesthetic, and the Warcraft mythos in particular is unappealing to me. But I’m not a total Japanophile either (despite living here and making goddmn blog posts with Japanese titles)! I guess I just prefer my fantasy towns to have names like San d’oria and Bastok instead of Ravensballs and Bloodpool. Shit, that one’s from Actraiser.

But the point stands. There’s a visual preference here too. As much as I hate seeing a million Elvaans NIN/WARs with white or blonde hair named any variation of Sephiroth/Cloud/Vegeta/Goku, there’s something inherently offputting about WoW character design to me. FFXI’s character design is a little closer to what I’m comfortable with. And I don’t deny having a soft spot for Mithras.

I’m sure WoW is fun and plays like a dream, especially after the bloatfest that is FFXI! But I’ve put in so much time and come to enjoy a lot of what I first detested (partying, crafting, helping random fobs do quests) that I’m going to stick with it. As much as people bash endgame, it’s really deepened my interest in the game and will keep me occupied until MGS4 forces me to buy a PS3.

Speaking of random fobs, I really need to stop judging people based on how they type. It’s just how I was acclimated to the internet, I guess. If you’re too lazy to type out the entire word, my mind is going to automatically decide for me that you are 14 and only looking for a party while your Donnie Darko DVD is burning. But this dude was shouting in Jeuno last week about needing an Ahriman lens for the Sleepga II quest. My initial, unspoken response was “fuck this guy,” as his shout message was something like “sum1 help me get ariman lens 4 sleepga qust.” Nobody bites, so a couple minutes later he adds a 20,000 gil reward, and because I’m not really doing anything and could use the cash, I tell him I’ll get him one.

What’s weird (or not) is that he was a totally nice guy who just had no idea how to politely ask for help. Once we got to Xarcabard, he thanked me repeatedly while buffing me and throwing me the first half of the payment before we stepped off the telepoint. I autofollow him to all the Evil Eyes in range and we get the drop off the third one. So he’s all /bows and /kneels and smilies, thanking me another dozen times as he trades me the other 10k, telling me how he’s been looking for one for weeks. And I’m thinking “well, shit, if you had showed this kind of courtesy in your original /shout you might not be out the 20k.” Of course I didn’t say it, because I still have no tactful way to say “stop being a dick” (that’s usually how I do it) so I thanked him and warped back to Jeuno. I can’t play the game with people who think they are entitled to your help, and apart from his initial /shout, this guy was the total opposite.

My //pwnED// trial Dynamis run also had me questioning my position. The leader of the team, a competent Elvaan NIN, was counting way too many letters as optional. But if she can organize a group this well (they’re in their third year together, it seems) and manage the ton of work required to maintain the forum, LS, and individual character attendance/item distribution records — all while being relatively patient, fair, and valued as a senior member of the group — then there’s really no plausible way to peg her as a dick. I suppose I’m just used to writing people off based on their typing because that’s the language of a great majority of idiots, both in and out of Vana’diel.

So I guess my lately realized new year’s resolution is: d0n’t judje a b00k b¥ it’5 c0v3r.

Our Dynamis LS finally cleared Dynamis-Windurst this week (after about a dozen attempts), which means I’m one step closer to obtaining a sexy alternative to the O.Hat. This also means that when I inevitably have to leave the LS (I’m moving to a completely inconvenient time zone next month), I’ll be able to pick right back up with another shell that has access to the Icelands.

Dynamis is a slippery slope. 40+ people in one zone, supposedly working toward a common goal, under a strict time limit. It’s a lot of fun when people are working together and doing their jobs; not so much when that one careless person wanders too far from the group and aggros a bunch of monsters. But even intelligent people make mistakes! And when they do, they have the sense to throw their bodies right into the fray and take a death far away from the group. No, it’s the real prize players who get aggro, freak out, and run back to the group, as if somehow an unannounced pull of 10+ monsters will be easy to handle. Fortunately, after so many runs, this LS has been able to weed out a few of the idiots. I attribute our recent success in the infamous Dynamis-Windurst to a merciless crackdown on stragglers.

Two more zones remain, not counting the four Promathia Dynamises. GO TEAM.

Swan Bilbo GET!

Finally got it a few days ago thanks to help from Alex, Allan, and a 75 THF who I won’t name here (TH2 ♥). I was beyond happy when I got the drop.

I’ve tried the sword out in skillup parties and I’m pretty satisfied with it. It does decent damage, the +4 Accuracy is a godsend, and the CHR bonus is great so I don’t have to do any equipment swapping and can sacrifice some of my other +CHR gear for +Accuracy stuff.

Plus, it looks nice!

My next endeavour will be to get my hands on a Minstrel’s Coat. Wish me luck!

Why is it that so much of the best melee gear is hideous?

I cite two primary examples: the Scorpion Harness, and the Optical Hat. Both are superior pieces of equipment for Ninjas, as they feature hefty Accuracy and Evasion bonuses, with the hat sporting an additional Ranged Accuracy bonus. You can probably tell by now that anything with an accuracy bonus on it is worth its weight in gil and then some, and these pieces are no exception. The Scorpion Harness carries a price tag on par with the Haubergeon (which has the same Accuracy bonus, plus an Attack bonus for the more heavily armored melee) at around the 5 million gil range on Fairy server. The Optical Hat, while Rare/EX and therefore not salable, is a 100% drop off an NM that must be spawned with a specific item. This item goes from anywhere from 2 to 3 million gil.

The thing is, both fall under the classification of Fashion Disaster. Lower level harnesses look kind of cool; badass-looking straps and big bone plates, what’s not to like? But the Scorpion Harness takes this concept a little too redly. There aren’t even any red scorpions in the game. It would at least look right if it were, say, a Lobster Harness or something. There is a pretty cool-looking set of carapace armor modeled after the game’s crab family of enemies, and I am of the mind that a game can never have enough equipment crafted from our oceans’ most delicious denizens. As it is now, a huge portion of the Thief and Ninja populations (and a few well-to-do Monks) are running around in a piece of equipment that would not look out of place on Soul Calibur’s Voldo.

But that’s cool, the Scorpion Harness does not offend me directly. As a Samurai, I enjoy the stylish comfort and fierce functionality of the Haubergeon. The Optical Hat, on the other hand, is different. There’s a lot of pressure there. Tons of melees can use it; Samurai, Ninja, Monk, Warrior, Dark Knight… if you’re on the front lines, you’re expected to quest for your O.Hat at some point. Accuracy+10 is hard to come by, and if you’re a Ninja or Ranger, you’re going to want the Evasion and Ranged Accuracy, respectively.

But I refuse.

Take the Pope’s hat.* Dye it blue and tan, and crush the top into a point. Now glue it on top of a piece of coarse ram’s leather that you’ve carefully draped over your head. That’s the Optical Hat. With all the cool-looking endgame headgear available, it’s disappointing to see 75% of melees wearing a glorified dunce cap.

Fortunately, the expansion has introduced a turban with nice little Haste bonus, and Ninjas are hooked on the haste. It’s cool looking, with a white feather poking out and everything. I can only hope that more players follow suit and ditch the O.Hat in favor of less aesthetically offensive headgear.

Ordinarily I would’ve swallowed my pride and just quested the damn thing, but as a Samurai, I have my Artifact II helmet to look forward to. The only thing I really need from the O.Hat is the Accuracy+10, and the Saotome Kabuto has that. What’s more, it can be upgraded slightly to Accuracy+12, which outperforms the O.Hat while looking damn fine in the process. Samurai Artifact armor is among the coolest looking in the game (although I may be biased), and to have a piece of it provide an amazing stat bonus is the icing on a brilliantly lacquered cake.

But I’m still a ways off from a shiny Saotome Kabuto +1. In the meantime, all I can do is try my damnedest to hit monsters without an upside-down waffle cone towering above my face.

*Do not attempt to take the Pope’s hat.

A shot of the NM’s placeholder. No, unfortunately, that’s not Cwn.

I commend anyone who can pronounce this NM’s name.

Let me just say, this guy is a gigantic pain in the butt. I’ve camped him along with help from Alex and Allan here and there ever since my Bard hit 60. Because, honestly, how can you pass up this drop?

Sweeeet.

So, why is this guy a pain in the ass to camp? Well, I’ll tell you:

1) His pop spot is in the area of Eldieme that is only accessible from Beaucedine Glacier. That’s the first strike against him right there. It probably takes about half an hour just to get to where he pops, and that’s not even considering trying to find a teleport if you’re not a White Mage.

2) His placeholders are Tomb Wolves. They’re not too hard. The thing that sucks about them is that they take 15 minutes to respawn, and there’s only 4 of them. What does this mean for you? You spend 5 minutes killing the 4 of them when they pop, and then you sit and twiddle your thumbs for 15 minutes. Not too fun or engaging. If you really wanted to, you could run around and kill the other undead for a while, but there’s a problem there that should be pretty obvious. There’s a LOT of them all crowded together, and if for some reason you manage to get blood aggro, you’re pretty much screwed. It’s just safer to stay in the wolf room and only have to deal with a few undead.

3) He is a tough mofo. He has a crapload of HP, more than you’d expect a level 68 NM to have, as evidenced when he finally popped after hours of the third time I tried camping him. He has all the regular wolf attacks, Paralyzega, Disease, etc. But, he also has spells like Drain and Curse, and he can’t be silenced. I would have thought that I (60 WHM) and Alex (75 SAM) would have been able to duo him pretty easily, but even with food, buffs, and both of us using our 2-hours, he took us down with 1/12th of his life left. Which was pretty disappointing.

Cwn Cyrff is officially on my shitlist now. I’ve camped a variety of NMs and he’s definitely up there with the most annoying.

The only plus to this NM is that there’s never any competition for the claim.

And oh, did I mention the drop isn’t 100%?

The setup: SE seems to have bitten off more than they can chew.

Besieged is a mess. On paper, it’s brilliant; agitated hordes of beastmen storm a populated area and must be confronted by the players. If enough key generals are defeated, the beastmen steal a sacred artifact and kidnap NPCs who perform vital functions. The artifact in question gives players an experience bonus and allows teleportation to five portals scattered around the new areas, so it is in everyone’s best interest to defend the city.

But there are a couple problems. For one, the damn thing is so full of players and mobs that the action (and I use the term loosely) slows to an interminable crawl. Imagine watching Braveheart, but streaming to your screen through a 56k connection. Kinda looks like that. Visibility is next to nothing, as only the characters and monsters in your immediate area can be rendered without inducing a stroke in your PC or console. And this leads to a huge strain on the server, resulting in people getting lagged to death or outright booted.

Sure, Besieged even looked great in the trailer. SE only showed it off with about six characters and everything looked smooth. Flashforward to the release of the expansion, with hundreds upon hundreds of players congregating to participate in Besieged, and oops! Looks like you were a little overambitious with this one, guys. As it stands, the final product is not what SE was peddling just a few months ago.

One of Besieged’s more boneheaded blunders is the way in which the outcome is determined should server maintenance occur once monsters have breached the gates. Specifically, you lose. That’s it. It’s already happened once on our server, and it’s completely ridiculous. When a baseball game is cancelled due to rain, the visiting team does not slap the home team with a big fat “fuck you” and return home after being declared victorious. Just because SE scheduled maintenance to take place during Beseiged does not mean that the entire server needs to pay for it.

It sounds petty, but the loss of that damn orb renders most of the new areas more or less useless. As mentioned above, the orb gives everyone leveling in the new areas a nice experience bonus. But the real inconvenience comes with the closing of the runic portals, through which players access 95% of the endgame leveling areas in the expansion. Without access to high level camps, leveling completely shuts down in the new areas. If you’ve just gotten off work and want to devote your usual two or three hours a night to leveling your character only to discover that the Astral Candescence is gone, there’s not much more you can do. You can try to get a party in sky (if you have access to it) or Lufaise Meadows (if you have access to it) or just punch your TV in the face and curse Besieged. You don’t need to unlock anything to do that.

The punchline: In the latest version update, SE has made Besieged harder.